I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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