i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
