A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
