honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
