I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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