Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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