How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
