Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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