I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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