He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
