They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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