Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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