My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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