so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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