I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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