Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
