I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
