her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
time to smoke my breakfast
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
