so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
