having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
