I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
