He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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