we were pretty classy up until the second keg
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
