imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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