I can text with my tongue
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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