No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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