Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
