Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
