Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
