just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
