I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
