I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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