So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
