I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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