oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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