Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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