the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
