God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
