i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
