don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize