I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
