Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize