i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
