Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize