ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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