Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
