So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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