He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
