is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
