Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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