What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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