I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize