none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
