I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
