in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
