it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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