Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
