My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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