she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
