I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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