why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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