I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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