Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize