spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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