I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone came in the potted fern
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
