You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
