well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize