you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
