Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
