Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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