I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have post one night stand depression
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