I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
