He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
